It has been a while since I visited my little corner of the web.  2023 was a big year for my family.  So many things happened…my oldest became a middle schooler, and the youngest became a first grader.  I painted my heart out for a cause that means so much to me and by the second half of 2023 I was given the green light to go off treatment for the first time since 2017. This school year was the first time that our first day of school wasn’t competing for second place behind my treatment schedule which has dominated our family calendar for six long years. (Sidebar: The first time I left the house in my wig was my son’s first day of kindergarten, and I was getting immunotherapy after my breast cancer spread to my spine on my daughter’s first day of preschool.  Cancer is a cruel and unfair disease in so many ways, but one of the worst has been watching so many family milestones take a backseat because cancer demanded the spotlight.)

Which brings me to today…

Today is World Cancer Day. The World Health Organization estimates that there were nearly 20 million new cancer cases and 9.7 million people died from cancer in 2022. That is a terrifying statistic. And the number is only projected to go up with as many as 35 million cases worldwide by 2050.

2050 sounds like a long way away.  But it’s not, especially for those of us with children. It’s hard to imagine but they will be right in the middle of their adult lives in 2050.  (This terrifies me for a lot of reasons but mostly because of what it looks like when my middle schooler is getting ready for school each morning!!)

But back to the present…On March 2, 2024 I will be riding as part of Team FORHER in Cycle for Survival to raise funds for rare cancer research and clinical trials at Memorial Sloane Kettering. Their work is creating real results in the fight to cure cancer.

This will be my second year riding, and just like last year I have created a limited edition print in honor of Team FOR HER with the proceeds going to Cycle for Survival.  Last year’s piece (below) honored all the different women that have known, do know or will know cancer personally.

Recently I sat down with Heather, my dear friend, our team captain, and two-time thyroid cancer survivor, to create a new print that would celebrate the many different cancers that have touched Team FORHER.  As we dug through my archives and searched for inspiration we compared stories and battle scars, both literally and figuratively. Because of our conversation I showed Heather a sketch from 2018 that has always meant a lot to me.  When I look at it I see me.  It’s a visual journal entry from this long and complicated journey.  I see myself trying to wrap my head around how I had changed so much in such a short time and how hard it was to accept the new me.  In a few months time I had removed my breasts and my ovaries and part of my brain.  On the outside I was a 37 year old woman with a husband and two kids, and on the inside…well…even now I’m not sure how to put it into words, but I can tell you this: it changed everything.  And it hurt a lot.  It took a long to time to accept the changes.  Sometimes it’s still hard to accept them, but I have also discovered that the pain I have felt has shaped me into something better, and that wearing these scars has redefined my life and given me a purpose that I never knew I was made for.

That sketch, below, became the inspiration behind this year’s piece.

the call…

As I worked into our idea I thought about the two days leading up to the phone call that changed my life forever.  We tried to go about our days and stay positive.  We took the kids for their daily walks to the park.  I cooked dinner and fed my cluster feeding infant around the clock. 

And then the day came. 

The two days before had felt like an eternity and I just wanted it to be over.  Do I have “IT" or not? But when the day came and my phone rang all I could think was I just wish we had a little more time before they tell me what they know.  I wish there was time for one more walk or one more dinner…one more minute before they tell me. I still remember my husband standing beside me in our bedroom with my phone on speaker.  We listened together as my doctor said, “I’m sorry….” It’s all blurry after that except that we were both sitting on the floor holding hands by the end of the phone call. From there everything changed so greatly that there aren’t enough words to explain it.

I wonder how many people know that call? If you have been diagnosed with cancer or have waited with a loved one you probably know those days, hours and minutes before the call. You know how simultaneously fast and slow the whole process of waiting for the results feels.

And then I thought about how many people will know the call in their lives and at this moment they don’t even know it is going to happen. How they will know that knot in their stomachs when the phone finally rings; how they will wish for more time as their heart beats a little harder.  It is something that I would never wish on anyone…it’s excruciating.

And then I had one more thought…what if my children know this phone call one day?

And for me that last thought is why I will fight (and paint) every single day for more treatments, better outcomes and a cure.  No one should know the call or the battle that follows, and with research we can make it a possibility.

FOR HER 2024 is a tribute to many things…the various cancers that have touched our team, the battle scars, the physical and emotional pain, the amazing warriors that have served as personal inspiration through my journey…but it is mostly a tribute to the beauty that emerges from our pain and our scars.  It is in our painfully unexpected, wildly complicated lives that we become beautiful and we discover that perhaps we were made for a moment such as this.

Starting today 11x14 prints are on sale for $75.  All proceeds go directly to Cycle for Survival and their incredible research. 

Message me here to purchase.

You will find a tribute to many cancers on our print this year, including but not limited to the following:

Brain (Grey)

Head and neck (White and Burgundy)

Thyroid (Teal, pink and purple)

Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (violet)

Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma (Lime green)

Lukemia (orange)

Lung (white)

Breast (pink)

Liver (emerald)

Stomach (periwinkle)

Pancreatic (purple)

Colon (dark blue)

Ovarian (teal)

Cervical (magenta)

Uterine (peach)